Author: Lisa Avee
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I am a pyromaniac who wants to watch the bridge burn to flames
I tend to wonder if I am doomed for life with this sufferable condition of mine. I am rarely ever stable, even when it does happen that I am stable, it only lasts for two weeks to one month maximum. I do have to acknowledge that my stability occurs more often this year, however, I…
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Acceptance is key and tolerance will set you free
Healing is not linear. Ever since the last time I attempted to take my life, around almost a year ago, it feels as though I have lived a thousand different lives. A series of both fortunate and unfortunate events occurred and, for certain, I have been through the cycles of birth, death, and rebirth. I…
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A little bit more just to get another feel of that manic ‘high’
Perhaps a big problem I struggle with is my identity crisis. Frankly, I don’t know who I am and I will never know who I am. Regardless of how many pictures I take of myself, whether I stare at myself in the mirror for hours endlong trying to figure out the person staring at me…
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What held myself back was me
I often ask myself if it all means anything, if I will ever amount to anything. I presume we are all on this Earth with a purpose, at least we like to think so, because if we are placed on this Earth with a purpose, with a meaning then that helps us cope with existence.…
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Everything I did, I did for the sake of pleasing art
It has been two years since I graduated from art school. After graduating with a BA in Fine Arts in 2023, it was not long before I developed a deeply unhealthy fixation on art. The switch was gradual but felt quick. There was a certain peculiarity in my love for art. The thoughts, feelings, and…
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How can I not think this is happiness when I can do everything I want?
I believe that the definition of happiness is relative and differs from person to person. Everybody has their definition and meaning of what happiness is to them. As someone with bipolar disorder, for the longest time, I have equated happiness with the manic episodes I experience. How can I be blamed for this way of…
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There is no art without love, and there is no love without art
Everything in my life has led me to this path as an artist. For me, being an artist is not merely a matter of a hobby or a career — it is a chosen destiny I must walk through and a fate I must follow. I was asked by a fellow mentor of mine, Sands…
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I am losing myself to my psychosis
Life has been different since I attempted to take my life three months ago. My attempt to take my life led me to finding myself waking up in the ICU and being moved to the psych ward. I do not remember events prior to my suicide attempt, yet little did I know that there was…
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I spent my entire life chasing after death
I have always dreaded my birthday and the prospect of turning one year older. For my whole life, I have always seen birthdays as a sign that I have lived another painful year. Yet, it is strange how, when I turned 25 in May, I felt a sense of relief that I was alive for…
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This world is a simulation controlled by a deity
To surrender myself to my disorder is to surrender myself, to the deity that is above me. For I know surrendering to my mental health condition is to surrender to God. I like to think it is my calling. I am protesting at the moment, protesting against sleep because sleep is a concept created by…